Reflections by AquaLady

It’s truly amazing how many twists and turns my life has taken so far... to get to where I am today.

Today I got an idea to start blogging again...& found my former posts.  I also wanted to document my latest health issue, Myasthenia Gravis.

God is good... trust me!  Looking back... yes, He has helped me in so many ways.

I read this today.... “Our attempts to follow Jesus don’t have to be big, splashy gestures like Zacchaeus’ initial response.  Change will be gradual and there will be setbacks but with Jesus’ help, our efforts will bear fruit.”

“Jesus, help me to follow you with childlike trust.”

I was away from home for 55 days while being treated for Burkitt's Lymphoma at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. I arrived at Johns Hokpins on Dec. 14, 2005 & finally came back home on Feb. 7, 2006. Maybe someday I'll write more about this whole experience but that's all for now...

Its Sunday night & I feel it happenning again...the Sunday night blahs! I just wish we could skip over this part & move right onto Monday morning. If I start a project now, I know it'll only make things worse & it'll only stir me up. I don't want to be wide awake. I want to slow things down now & I wish I felt sleepy enough to go to bed. I just wish there was something to do on a Sunday night besides just sitting around. Now there's an idea... Maybe that's something I could do from now on. Plan to do something...go to a movie or something.

I'm home, safe & sound, after having surgery yesterday at Johns Hopkins. Dr. Koch had an emergencey first thing that morning so my case was pushed behind but everything went well & I even got to go home last evening. So far so good. I haven't had to take any pain meds yet. I feel a pinch in my neck now & then & have a slight sore throat (from the breathing tube during surgery) but other than that, I really can't complain.

I know a LOT of prayers were being said for me & I can't thank you all enough. Prayer makes all the difference...!

I'm free at last to talk about my health. I'm been keeping things quiet - pretty much - until I could gather as much information as possible but most of all to give myself time to let this all settle in.

Today I heard my named mentioned at Mass in the Prayer of the Faithful. It felt ok. Now, I'm ready... to meet each new challenge knowing I have the prayers & support of my church family. And I do NEED their prayers. I truly believe that the Mass is our greatest & best prayer & I'm counting on an outpouring of graces to carry this cross. It isn't going to be easy.

Surgery is scheduled for 10:15 AM on Tuesday, Dec. 6th at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore. I pray that Dr. Koch gets a good night's sleep & has a steady hand come Tues. morning. He's the head of Neck & Head Surgery at JH so I figure he knows his stuff.

Sunday nights are always the worst. I can never seem to relax plus I can't fall asleep & then I'm a mess when I wake up. Pumped full of caffeine, I go to work & my week begins. I hate Sunday nights.

I've recently discovered that every person needs to have a health advocate...someone to help them sort through the red tape of dealing with secretaries & doctors & clinics & hospitals. Getting to the sources of ones' medical problems these days is not as easy as it may seem. In some cases you have to take on the mission yourself; you can't rely on the medical instiution to be there for you 100%; you have to figure things out on your own & forge ahead to get the results you need.

I can't help but wonder about sick people in nursing homes or wherever, young or old, who don't have anyone (including themselves) looking out for them. It just seems like you can't just sit & wait for answers.

It's soooooooooooooooo frustratating & exhausting too. There needs to be a better way to get information.

I've been knee deep & beyond...sorting through the piles & piles of papers & stuff that I've accumulated & saved over the years, scattered here & there throughout the house. Like Matt said, though, you have to be in the mood to sort through papers. How true! Matt, too, has been going through his stuff & he's sort of an inspiration to me. This is not at all easy or desirable. Just like objects, I'm somewhat attached to my papers. They're a part of me, in a sense, tracking my past, a history of who I am & what I've become. But I just can't hold on anymore...it's time to let go. So, if there's something you wanna know, you better ask now because chances are that I probably won't remember later on.

People frustrate me. Well, not all people exactly. Just those pushy, noisy, ask too many questions type. Wish they'd all just go away...!!!

I met the doc at Johns Hopkins this past Wed. (Nov. 2nd) to find out what the next course of action is going to be in the case of the 'mystery mass'. Dr. Koch (pronounced Coke) delivered just the news that I wanted to hear...he's not going to slit open my neck or at least not yet. He recommended doing a biopsy first - an ultrasound FNA (fine needle asspiration). I'm scheduled to have that done this coming Wed. (Nov. 9th).

Afterwards, Jim & I went out to Red Lobster for a late lunch/early supper. Lobster bisque is out of this world. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm I also had a lobster pasta dish smothered in garlic & Jim had the all-you-can-eat shrimp special. We then did our usual running around from big department store to departmant store. Jim looked at large screen tvs, computer stuff & misc. electronics while I checked out linens & things & office products.