Sunday, August 15, 2004
Saying NO...!
Saying NO has to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done in regards to my work. After Mushy announced her resignation, I just had this gnawing feeling inside me that every nerve & every fiber of my being that I've worked so hard to strengthen would be put to the ultimate test. And that's just what happened...
So, being as this is a public journal, I need to hold back on the details but let's just say that after many many years of hard labor, I finally learned to stick up for myself & I just said, "NO...!" For weeks now I've been struggling with the after-effects, questioning my decision with every breath... asking myself over & over - "Did I do the right thing?"
And today, for the first time in a long while, I finally felt some of that peace & serenity that I'd been searching for. I knew that I had my family's support which played a big part in my decision but as it always is with me, I wanted more...I needed some other confirmation that this is definitely in everyone's best interest. I believe I found that 'extra' support today in talking over the matter with some people whom I trust & admire.
I don't know what it is about me but I seem to have an incredible amount of patience or something & I seem to be able to endure hardships for long periods of time whereas others may just pick themselves up & move on. I just can't give up, or at least, that's how it seems to me.
At one point in my life I always felt as if I were a doormat, where people could just walk all over me & I realize today that I allowed this to be the case. But something has changed. Could it be the fact that I've finally gotten the lesson...about loving yourself.
To love oneself is not grounded in selfishness or conceit. It's something deep down inside...a true realization that we are all made in the image & likeness of God, our creator. "God does NOT make junk" & so it stands, neither should we treat ourselves as junk where others can use us for their own interests. Another analogy is the realization that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, God residing in us & working in us & through us. Could that be the answer...where the strength comes from when we allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in us, using our hands, our feet, our minds, our lips, our very beings to proclaim that God is love. So, in loving ourselves & standing up for our rights, we give witness to God's grace working in us. We wouldn't allow our neighbor to be wronged; why allow others to take advantage of us?
I've prayed & prayed & have asked others to pray for me as well for peace of mind about this decision I made...to be free of the heavy burden of guilt that has weighed me down so very much since I uttered the word, 'NO' & today I believe my prayers were answered. I realized , too, that others may try to pin their problems on us but we must not allow it. Also, when I think about "What would Jesus do?" my spirit tells me that He would stand up for justice & truth, no matter what the cost. There comes a time when we, too, must stand up for what we believe is the right thing to do.
None of us knows what the future holds. We can learn from our past mistakes, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". All we really have to work with is what's right in front of us...the present! Nothing is impossible with God! And if Plan A doesn't work out, God always has a Plan B...!
So, being as this is a public journal, I need to hold back on the details but let's just say that after many many years of hard labor, I finally learned to stick up for myself & I just said, "NO...!" For weeks now I've been struggling with the after-effects, questioning my decision with every breath... asking myself over & over - "Did I do the right thing?"
And today, for the first time in a long while, I finally felt some of that peace & serenity that I'd been searching for. I knew that I had my family's support which played a big part in my decision but as it always is with me, I wanted more...I needed some other confirmation that this is definitely in everyone's best interest. I believe I found that 'extra' support today in talking over the matter with some people whom I trust & admire.
I don't know what it is about me but I seem to have an incredible amount of patience or something & I seem to be able to endure hardships for long periods of time whereas others may just pick themselves up & move on. I just can't give up, or at least, that's how it seems to me.
At one point in my life I always felt as if I were a doormat, where people could just walk all over me & I realize today that I allowed this to be the case. But something has changed. Could it be the fact that I've finally gotten the lesson...about loving yourself.
To love oneself is not grounded in selfishness or conceit. It's something deep down inside...a true realization that we are all made in the image & likeness of God, our creator. "God does NOT make junk" & so it stands, neither should we treat ourselves as junk where others can use us for their own interests. Another analogy is the realization that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, God residing in us & working in us & through us. Could that be the answer...where the strength comes from when we allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in us, using our hands, our feet, our minds, our lips, our very beings to proclaim that God is love. So, in loving ourselves & standing up for our rights, we give witness to God's grace working in us. We wouldn't allow our neighbor to be wronged; why allow others to take advantage of us?
I've prayed & prayed & have asked others to pray for me as well for peace of mind about this decision I made...to be free of the heavy burden of guilt that has weighed me down so very much since I uttered the word, 'NO' & today I believe my prayers were answered. I realized , too, that others may try to pin their problems on us but we must not allow it. Also, when I think about "What would Jesus do?" my spirit tells me that He would stand up for justice & truth, no matter what the cost. There comes a time when we, too, must stand up for what we believe is the right thing to do.
None of us knows what the future holds. We can learn from our past mistakes, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". All we really have to work with is what's right in front of us...the present! Nothing is impossible with God! And if Plan A doesn't work out, God always has a Plan B...!
Comments:
Post a Comment