Reflections by AquaLady

"My prayer is that your love may more and more abound, both in understanding and wealth of experience, so that with a clear conscience and blameless conduct you may learn to value the things that really matter, up to the very day of Christ.”-Philippians 1:9-10

I love spending quality time with Jim out on the golf course. We lucked out yesterday & got in a free round at Dick's Par 3. Its sad to say but Dick is closing up shop for the season but we were invited back, anytime we want. It's like having your very own golf course. How cool is that...!?!

Speaking of cool, the weather was perfect for a quick round of 9 holes. We didn't get to warm up at the driving range so, ah, well...our shots were pretty bad. Hubby had a nice send on the 1st round but a little shy of the green. I had an equally nice 'roll' on my 1st send...my ball landing exactly right next to hubby's. I need to work on my putting, alot! That's where I seem to score the most points.

I hit a beauty on the 4th hole, straight up the middle. And even chipped the ball right into the cup using my pitching iron. The rest of the holes weren't anything to brag about, at least, not for me. I finished with a 53 & hubby got a 40.

Chinese take-out for supper. Mike worked; I slept... (12 hours worth, give or take a minute). I really needed that!!!

Mike looked really sharp this morning dressed as a rogue. Halloween dress-up day at school. Trick or Treaters will be around tonight begging for candy. Have to make a quick trip out to Wal-Mart later.

New day...new beginning...doing what matters!

I had the privilege of meeting a 'special someone' last weekend. Mark brought Kara to meet the family. Everything went well & neither Jim nor I did anything too stupid or too embarrasing to make anyone kringe (I hope...). When Kara stepped out of the room, Mark looked me in the eyes with a definite twinkle in his & asked, "Well, what do you think...?" What more could I say... I told him, She's a keeper! You're very lucky!" Is it luck...? or fate...? Whatever...they seem to make a very nice couple. I think we all got along very well & I'm looking forward to many more visits.

Yesterday was my 28th wedding anniversary & it really wasn't anything to brag about. Actually, it turned out to be a very solo & ordinary kind of day, not at all what you'd expect. Now, I'm not saying I was expecting a lot. I'm NOT stupid! & afterall, we've been together for a total of 32 years (when you count the 4 years that we dated prior to tying the knot.

It was a kind of 'Frank & Marie' sort of celebration. Frank was doing his thing...scatching his nuts & flipping channels & Marie was fussing with her hair & doing Marie kind of stuff. Actually, come to think of it, I did get my hair cut yesterday but I thought of Frank the whole time I was there & the girl who cut my hair even wished me a "Happy Anniversary". Plus, it took me a good 20 minutes or more to pick out a card & then I scoured the mall looking for something that the 2 of us could share together but the best I could come up with was a double order of curley fries & 2 turkey bacon ranch wraps with 2 bottles of spring water on the side. A meal fit for ah, well...fit for 2 skinny people who are conscious of their diets & looking out for their health. I musta got somebody else's order. Oh well...! Anyway, as usual, I did my traditional sentimental thing & wrote a little "Happy Anniversary" message on the bag & tucked the card inside. Like as if he even noticed...!

Marie sat on her favorite chair in the living room & munched away while Frank did the same, in another room. When Marie went to throw her bag away, she saw that Frank left his empty bag sitting on the kitchen counter. Marie peeked inside & sure enough, the envelope hadn't even been opened. Frank's gratitude is overwhelming at times...NOT!!! Well, I did vow, for better or for worse...so be it!

Now, actually, you have to look at things in perspective of the WHOLE year, not just one day, when it comes to Frank & Marie. I'm not saying that Frank is a total jerk or anything like that. Actually, he is very loving & generous & a faithful provider & there are countless 'little things' that he does for Marie all through the year, that show how much he cares & that's what its really all about...I guess.

I really don't mean to be selfish or ungrateful or anything like that but it's just that...well, ah, you know. A girl likes to be fussed over on those 'special ocassions' & you guys need to understand that about us. We like surprises! We like those little special things you do. Save the sarcasm for the rest of the year. Just show us that little extra attention when we expect it the most, like on OUR anniveraries!!! Its not that hard! Honest!

Oh & by the way... THANKS for the 'belated' flowers & the meatload & for just being you. I love you Frank! God bless you...today, tomorrow & always!!!

Together...forever!

"If God brings you to it, He'll see you through it...". That is my HOPE & prayer. The word is out & its official...the CAT proposal has been approved & the Media Center, as we know it, no longer exists. They tell me I'll still have a job but what exactly that means, only God knows...

I THANK GOD for all the years of faithful service (since June 1989) that He has given me in meeting the equipment support needs of the SU campus community.

Its a new day...a new beginning & with that comes the freedom to be all that I can be, in whichever way God leads me. And HE IS LEADING ME...!!! On that I can depend.

It is finished...! AMEN!

I'm not trying to fuss or anything like that although I do have to admit that I want to create a somewhat positive impression when Kara arrives. I mean, gee whiz! I don't want to scare the poor girl away, for Mark's sake at least, but then again, there's no telling what horror stories Mark has already told her about me & my system of organizational living. Its the ah, well, let's see method. Now, what box did I put that paper in...method!

No, it's just your basic 'clearing a path' routine, so Kara doesn't fall over stuff when she's tries to crawl into bed. Ok, well, maybe its NOT THAT BAD...! or am I in denial again???

I requested 2 days off work next week since its fall break. Now, here's the weird thing. I don't usually work during the breaks, anyway, but with all the proposed changes, I may need to help out. Well...we'll see. If I do get the time off, though, I'm rarin' to overheat my 'new' paper shredder & start getting rid of stuff. My piles are neatly stacked & I'll betcha that this time I can get a 'roundtuit'.

Its also kinda what is happening to me at work. We've been discarding things that have been there since the beginning of time & I figure if I can 'let go' of stuff at work, then I can 'let go' of stuff here at home as well. It all makes sense to me.

Ok...back to the discovery channel... HUMMMMMMMMmmmm! Now what do we have here in this corner...??? Later!

That's how much I know about golf. I used my #1 wood, which also happens to be known as a driver, not my #1 iron. Duh! Sorry, my mistake...

Today I had a most wonderful day with Jim, skipping balls (not stones) across a tranquil pond. Yes, I went REAL golfing today, to a real golf course, with real obstacles at Indian Run Golf Course near McClure on this absolutely beautiful sunny day. I wasn't aiming for that first pond but my velvety pink titanium "Flying Lady 2" golf ball seemed to be attracted to the cool waters for some unknown reason. I had some really good drives and got to use my #1 iron for the first time. Lets just say...it takes some getting used to. My best round was in the 7th hole. I tied Jim, both of us with a score of 6. The neatest thing was watching the ball skip over the water. Just one more long hop & I'm almost sure it would have cleared the pond. I'm almost sure of it! but it didn't & there went lost ball #2. Drat! I want a golf cart!!! They are the coolest things to drive around. With my Foot Joy size 9s on my feet & my yellow pin-striped polo, I looked like the golfer I'm not but I had fun all the same. I ended up with an 86, only 51 over par. Not bad for my first time (I guess...?).

Afterwards Jim took me to Mt. Pisgah Altar. I don't ever remember being there & the view is awesome, overlooking a scenic stretch of Snyder County. Kinda leaves you with that feeling you get when you finally realize how great life is & how much we have to be thankful for.

Last but not least, an early seafood dinner at the Country Tavern topped off the day. We stopped off at Pier 104 Seafood Market first but they only sold seafood that you had to cook yourself (forget that idea...). I couldn't even finish my meal so the 'doggy bag' was enough to feed a hungry Mike.

I can't wait until we have another golfing date. Thanks, Jim! Watch out for that tree over there. FORE!

That's what they're going to call it, CAT (Center for Advanced Technology), the newly created department that will basically do my job plus... I finally got to read the current proposal & frankly, I wish they'd just sign on the dotted line & get it over with. Dragging this whole thing out is sooooooooooooooooooooo very painful. You can't even imagine. If I didn't have a personal interest in this whole thing, I'd have to agree that, on paper, at least, the whole thing really does sound like a good plan. But I do have a personal interest & so... I have a whole lot of reservations & many of them have to do with the service aspect of what's being proposed. They want faculty to give 2 days notice. Hah! Well, maybe they can make that happen. We'll see... I pride myself on being there on a moment's notice, to give the best service I can possibly provide. I also feel that the personal touch, that little bit of human interaction that means so very much to me, is what identifies me with my job & is going to be the hardest thing to leave behind. I'm guessing that my very LAST setup will be October 14th if everything goes according to their plans.

On the other hand, God's been very good to me & hasn't stripped me of my job all at once. I probably would not have handled that very well. I pray for the grace to accept the things I cannot change...courage to change the things I can & wisdom...to know the difference. Yes, its all of the above that I lack.

So...now what? Everytime that I've thought about quitting amongst the various changes in my department, I bargained with myself that I'd just hold out a little longer...through cancer; until Dot's retirement; waiting for the new Media coordinator, Michelle; after Michelle's resignation; & now all (or most) of the equipment is going away too. So, what am I to do next??? My soul is searching for an answer & maybe the answer is right in front of me, but I can tell you quite honestly, I just don't see a thing!

The days of Media are over for me...I can't deny it any longer. What I'm going to do with the rest of my life is totally in God's hands. I sure hope He has a giant megaphone so I can hear every word, and a BIG stick to shove me in the right direction. Am I supposed to hang around & see what happens next...OR do I pick up & move...? Go where...? Do what...?

I need another tissue...gotta go! Later...

The OIT update states that the plan will be revealed by fall break. The proposed plan of which I speak has to do with the merger of the Office of Information Technology & Media Management. I've been a Media Assistant for the past 16 years. What's to become of me now?

I can't even begin to tell you how painful (emotionally) this all is. On the positive side, just the very thought of not having to push any av carts around campus in the snow or rain or sleet is worth a cheer. Still in all, what I do identifies who I am & if I'm not that anymore, then, who am I?

I went to the doctor's today & discovered that I have bronchitis. I can't afford not to take care of my health. I have too many things to do & too many places to go. Yes, I debated about going to the doctor's at first...but finally decided that it was in my best interest to take care of me.

As it turned out, the PA (Physician's Assistant) also recommended that I begin taking calcium supplements & that I get a bone density test at some point. She did a pretty thorough job, I think, & already I feel a whole lot better.

No more messing around when it comes to my health. I have a lot to do & I need to start taking better care of my health, beginning today...

Speaking of today, I have 2 nice surprises to share. The first arrived last night in the form of a package beautifully wrapped in a sparkling shade of silver Christmas paper. Ah yes! Matt gave me a belated birthday gift...a battery operated scale which not only measures body weight but body fat as well. ARGHHHHHHHHHH! Ok! Ok! I get the message...lose weight & stop eating all that fatty junk food.

The other surprise arrived in the mail today...a box. Hummmm! Let's see. What could it be? Size 9. Foot Joy. Ah ha! Yes! Golfing shoes!!! Perfect! Thanks Mark! No wonder both Jim & Matt told me NOT to go to WalMart to buy golfing shoes last night when I mentioned how much I like Matt's. Sneaky!

Now, all I have to do is get better & then off to Dick's Par 3 I go. I can hardly wait...!

I can't say that I'm being very productive today on my day off from work but I'm trying all the same. So far I've managed to email all the student workers with my 'Media message' for the week & since I don't have their email accounts set up at home, it took a while to look up all their names & addresses. Why...do you ask? Because that's what I do. I care even when I'm not at work plus its something I'm in the habit of doing each week & since I didn't get a chance to do it yesterday before I left the office, I wanted to follow up. Its also meant to be kind of a 'pep talk' hoping they'll take their jobs more seriously, something over which I have no control, I realize, but I want them to know that I take them seriously & hope my feelings will transfer over to them somehow. It's about all I can give them right now...& if Media changes the way I expect it will, I want to leave them with the good feeling that I've given them my best.

I also finished up the invitations to the mini-reunion get-together that I'm planning with some of my ol' high school buddies. Even if only one or two show up, it'll still be worth it & I know we'll have a good time.

The kitchen floor should be dry by now so I'll go finish that project, put the washed clothes in the dryer & do a little straighening up. I missed Mass today which wasn't my intention but I totally lost track of the time. ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ok..back to housekeeping duties, not my favorite thing but you already know that all too well.

Later...

Sometimes I feel as though I'm running a race...but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up. Things at work are very unsettled right now. We're in a 'transitional phase...' as adminstration decides the future of Media. What lies ahead is so uncertain & yet I feel as though I must continue on...not quit, not give up the race but keeping running. It's soooooooooooooo hard! Not physically hard...but emotionally draining. I have too many attachments to what I do & what I've become & I know its time to let go...! I also feel as though I'm in a state of grieving. I've been there before & I'll probably pass through the stages many more times but its not something you can prepare yourself for or any easier to accept all the same. There's a time for everything...& in time, it'll all make sense.